‘Insights for the Happy Shopper’ by Kathy Martin
“It takes balls to go out in a dress” and for those in the early days of their Cross-Dressing journey one of the important rites of passage is the decision to start buying your own clothes – as opposed to trying on your mum’s/sister’s/partner’s clothes in those secret stolen moments when they’re not around (but that’s a story for another time!).
Today I pass on some Top Tips that I’ve collected along the way so that you don’t have to make a total ass of yourself in the High Street jungle – to the uninitiated the trip to the shops can be as exhilarating or as threatening as you make it. Obviously nowadays an easier option is to buy online and whilst this works for lots of Cross-Dressers, I’m sorry but I get a massive hit out of the look, feel and touch of the clothes while I’m buying, and I look forward to the experience, which I just would not get on E-bay.
It’s not an exhaustive list and I’ve tried to make it easy to remember by adopting the mnemonic PRACTISE. So, here goes:
‘P’ stands for PERSEVERENCE. If at first you don’t succeed, keep looking. Don’t just buy for the sake of it because before you know it you’ll need a bigger wardrobe, trust me on this one! There is massive scope to “shop ‘til you drop” from unique boutiques and Department Stores, through the High Street of M&S, TK Maxx, female fashion chains (Top Shop up to Evans), Primark (or Primada/ Primani if you’re a WAG!), and on to Dress Agencies and Charity Shops (which I LOVE!). Nowhere is out of bounds to the T-Pound – we’re all aware of the strength of the Pink Pound, what’s wrong with the ‘T-Pound’ nowadays?! I’ve just made that up, “The T-Pound”, good eh?
‘R’ stands for REALISM. We’ve all heard the phrase “Mutton dressed as lamb” and this is magnified when some transvestites are let loose with a credit card. I know I don’t always get it right but come on girls, please act and dress according to your age! This is where the girls at Femesque can help because they don’t want you to end up “looking like a transvestite” – or even a travesty! Their ultimate goal, and isn’t this what we all strive for, is to use their knowledge, skills, insights and experience to make you look as convincing and ‘passable’ as possible. This doesn’t necessarily mean ‘Glamour Girl’ looks, just good honest realism.
‘A’ stands for ASK FIRST. If you have found an item that you really love and you feel confident about, please remember to ask the shop manager/ assistant if it is OK to try on before you slink furtively into the changing room. This way, you’re not perpetuating the myth of mistrust and lack of understanding that surrounds cross-dressing if you get found out in the changing room in a frock! And if they say ‘no’ then just accept this and walk away with deference and humility, there is always another shop not far away who will accept your T-Pound.
It’s also a good idea to check out the changing facilities in advance before running in full steam ahead, as a friend of mine found out a few years ago when she found what she thought was the perfect dress – although she is very convincing, in her haste she rushed through the curtain only to find semi-naked girls in differing states of undress in a communal changing room! Not sure who was the most scared, them or Susan (I promise, it was not me, and I learnt well from her experience)!
‘C’ stands for CONFIDENCE. This one’s not just relevant for shopping but for cross-dressing as a whole. I live by the credo “Shoulders back, chin up, chest out ….. and smile!” and it works for me. If you’re not feeling strong then just fake it, life’s too short to be worried – and you’ll probably never see them again anyway, so just go for it!
‘T’ stands for TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE. In my early days I was lucky to meet a brilliant group of very supportive girls/ guys and we were honest enough with each other to say “Nothing lies like a Tranny’s mirror” and it’s stood me in good stead ever since. I go back to my belief that the ULTIMATE goal of the cross-dresser is to look and act as good and convincing as possible as a member of the opposite sex (this is different from the needs of the person who sees themselves as Trans-sexual, and wants ultimately to make the transition).
‘I’ stands for IF YOU LIKE IT AND IT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD, THEN BUY IT IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT. Apparently there’s a saying in the antique trade which is “Never Not Buy” because if you don’t buy it when you see it, it may be gone the next day when you go back to look for it again , and you’ll regret it forever.
‘S’ stands for SEEK ADVICE. This works on a number of levels, from supportive friends through to shopkeepers. You’ll be surprised by the response you get with a touch of humility. I know that admitting you cross-dress to someone is one of THE hardest things to do because once it’s out you can’t take it back – believe me “I was only kidding!” or “I was SO drunk when I said that!” afterwards does not work! Having said that, admission is not as hard as brain surgery, and nobody I know has ever died from admitting they like dressing up! Again, ask the Femesque team, or send me a note, if you need any help, advice or support.
Anyway, to most shopkeepers you won’t be the first cross-dresser they’ve met, and you certainly won’t be the last! And, this leads me on to my last, but not least point…….
‘E’ stands for ENJOYMENT! Shopping is not a chore when it’s your passion you’re dealing with so why not have fun?! “So what!” if the shopkeepers make a joke at your expense? On many occasions my response to the comment of “Ha, that’ll never fit you!” has been “It will, I’ll make it fit!” or “You’ll be surprised what I can get into!” and see how clever they are then! Total disarmament! I always like to take a photo of me now ‘en femme’ and this really helps to break the ice. So much so that I’ve made great friends with some shopkeepers along the way, and then been out socially with them as well afterwards!
To add to your enjoyment the girls at Femesque are always on hand to go shopping with you and impart their expert knowledge so that you’re able to achieve the image you’ve ultimately been seeking and works for you!
I’m sure a lot of people reading this have had similar experiences and if you want to add to the list then please feel free to do so.
So there you have it. Are you old enough to remember the Hill Street Blues cops TV show of the 70’s/ 80’s? If so:
“It’s a jungle out there, do it to them before they do it to you!”
Happy Days & Big Hugs to all!
Kathy xx