By Kathy Martin (16th September 2011)
I read an article recently by Henri Junttila at www.wakeupcloud.com called “The 7 harsh truths they don’t tell you about following your passion”. This prompted me to write this piece about cross-dressing/ transvestism/ transgender (whatever you want to call it).
I would argue that, for a lot of ‘us’ across the transgender spectrum, the ultimate goal is “to find and be happy with myself in my alter-image”. If you have any thoughts on this please let’s open up the discussion, and feel free to comment.
In his article Henri listed the following route-guide to achieving your passion:
I’d like to begin with numbers 4 and 3, CONFUSION and FEAR, because for a lot of us, these are the first feelings we encounter when we realise we’re ‘different’. As an alpha-male in today’s society one of the most difficult things in the world is to become aware that you find some sort of pleasure/ comfort/ release in wearing women’s clothes, and then come to terms with it in your own mind before you let others in on your secret feelings:
The left-brain rational ‘male’ clicks in and you try to apply logic to understand why you should want to do it – “I’m not gay so why do I want to do THIS, it’s not normal, is it?” In my experience, and according to lots of other articles on the subject, the majority of TV’s are heterosexual males, so you actually are NOT alone.
And then something you don’t understand can lead to fear. So you keep it locked up inside of you, you don’t tell anyone because of what they may think of you. You remain in the safety of your comfort zone and never venture out to confront your fears ….. consequently you stew (maybe for years) and possibly eventually implode.
It’s only through facing your fears that you will be able to succeed and progress, and become fulfilled, by realising that fear is only an illusion (albeit a very strong one all the same!). Let’s make it absolutely clear that fear itself can’t actually kill you – I’ve seen lots of people wet themselves on a rollercoaster but none who actually died!!
One of my earliest memories of fear was when I was a teenager after I made the mistake of telling who I thought was a trusted next-door neighbour about my cross-dressing feelings. It made me realise that once your secret is out you can never take it back!
“Well, when I said ‘I like wearing women’s clothes’ I didn’t really MEAN it! What I really meant to say was ‘I like the way you look in the women’s clothes you’re wearing’”
This doesn’t really work, does it? Because the next thing I knew my father was telling me that if it ever happened again he’d “take me to see the doctor!” In retrospect this could have been the best thing to happen at the time, on the other hand it could have been disastrous, bearing in mind that this was in the mid-1970’s. I don’t think my parents ever did find my hidden stash of clothes and make-up and if they did, they never said any more about ‘it’.
So, from that early harsh lesson, my reaction was to retrench further into my hidden closet, and in time the only reason to let anyone in on my feelings was on a ‘need to know’ basis, or if I was ASOLUTELY SURE of the person.
A lot of water has flowed under the bridge since then and I’m now totally comfortable in my own skin to ‘face my fear …. And do it anyway’ – have been for years.
Through Henri’s other stages of hard work, persistence, action, and determination, I’m now fulfilled in my dual roles. And I have lots of friends and acquaintances to thank for their help en route. You all know who you are, and I include Lynne and the girls at Femesque as part of my happy band of ‘significant others’!
It’s a well-known fact that we are never always able to control other people or events that happen in our lives, but we ARE able to control what we think and how WE react to people and events that we come into contact with. If thoughts become things then the simple approach to fulfilment is to think the nice, bold ones.
It surely follows then that you CAN make your dreams come true. And if that means ‘finding the inner woman inside you’ why not adopt the Nike approach:
“Just do it!”
Lynne and the girls at Femesque provide help and support to anyone who has the inner resolve to take that first step into the unknown. And once you’ve taken the first step then it’s not ‘unknown’ anymore, is it?! You don’t have to go to Femesque fully made up and dressed, just make the initial phone call and you will immediately feel at ease and still in the safety of your comfort zone.
Soon you will be able to do things you’ve never done before or feel like you’ve never felt before ……. And then you’ll be amazed at what may happen!
Let me know how you get on and maybe one day we can swap stories. Did I ever tell you about the time ….. ? Oh well, that’s for another day!
And if you want to feel truly elated contact me about coming to the next Enigma Ball at Bletchley Park Mansion Ballroom in November and have the night of your life!
Have fun, laugh lots, think big, and “Just Effing Do It!”
Big hugs and lots of kisses
Kathy
xx