Food For Thought for Cross-Dressers, Transvestites and the Transgender Community in general, from Kathy Martin (23rd July 2010)
CONGRATULATIONS! You are part of a very select group of individuals who have achieved the ultimate goal in life.
And what is that goal? What the bloody hell is she going on about now? Who does she think she is, she doesn’t know anything about all the hassle I’m going through at the moment?! Here I am, struggling to come to terms with everything and she’s prattling on about being all positive, bouncy and, well …… girlie!
Right, now that I’ve hopefully got your attention, here are some quotes from people a lot more eloquent ‘than wot I am!’ to explain:
1: “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear” (Nelson Mandela)
How many times have you been afraid about how you feel about cross-dressing, especially in the early days of your adventure? Lack of understanding, shame, guilt, solitude, and/or desperation? Conquering this fear has or will put you in the happy ‘Band of Brothers’ (or ‘Sisters’) who ARE courageous and I doff my cap to you.
2: “What you must dare is to be yourself” (Dag Hammerskjold)
3: “Be yourself. Everyone else is taken” (Oscar Wilde)
If you decide you can’t ‘be yourself’ then you’re effectively letting someone else decide who you are meant to be – wow, I just made that one up myself! But it’s something that we must all celebrate because so many people seem quite happy to be led by what others think is ‘right’ or ‘normal’.
To be honest, I don’t want to be ‘average’ in anything I do, especially from now on, and what is ‘normal’ anyway nowadays? I want to be BLOODY MARVELLOUS and one of my goals for this year is to make it my year of ‘Bloody Marvellous’ (AND IT’S WORKING SO FAR, WEYHEY!)
I’d like to share a story with you to illustrate this, if I may?
A couple of months ago I was in a nightclub with four very good friends of mine (all ‘Real Girls’) and we had our picture taken together. When I looked at the photo a few days later I realised what a fantastic story it made – we were all smiling and looked like your ‘average’ group of girlies on a night out. Even if I say so myself I looked drop-dead gorgeous …. however back to my insight ….!
‘Average’ or ‘normal’ we were NOT…..
RITA is a glamorous grandmother. She has been happily married to Ken for 40 years.
SO WHAT? Well, she’s been aware of Ken’s cross-dressing for 25 years and is totally comfortable with it. She joins him/her (when she’s Sarah) for nights out together and enjoys these times as much as if they were going down the local as ‘normal’.
EVONNE is 24, a ‘stunna’ with long dark hair down her back, olive sun-tanned skin which is accentuated by her off-the shoulder top. She has a smile as wide as the English Channel and is marrying Greg next year, whom she met at university. She is the nicest person (apart from me!) you could wish to meet and I’m privileged to know her.
SO WHAT? Well, Evonne has just recovered from four years of chemotherapy, surviving lung cancer whilst at Uni. Her long hair is a wig but you would never know it because she doesn’t broadcast it – it’s ‘not normal’ to have lost your hair so young. Our evening out was a celebration of Evonne’s new life after so much turmoil at such a young age – now doesn’t that put things into perspective?!
Next to Evonne is SARAH, this time a blonde ‘stunna’ who works for a music company. She writes, composes, sings and records her own music and has men falling at her feet.
SO WHAT? Sarah is a life-long Spurs fan, a season ticket holder who goes to all the home matches at White Hart Lane (and some away matches too) and she can talk football with the best of them (what a catch for us alpha-males?!). But this isn’t ‘normal’ for beautiful girls to be able to explain the Offside Rule…… is it?
Next is LIZ who is 22 and Evonne’s sister. She is another beauty who doesn’t realise it (how cool is that?!). She just happens to be in fancy dress as a nun (albeit with a bottle of Smirnoff Ice in her hand!) and never realised how many guys would hit on her dressed like that! It’s ‘not normal’ to go out on a non-fancy dress night in fancy dress!
And then there’s KATHY. I’ve been cross-dressing since I was 7 in some shape or form, and I’m now totally comfortable celebrating every opportunity to ‘be me’. I’m a heterosexual male (cross-dresser, transvestite, tranny, transgender person, call it whatever you want) who is totally happy with how and who I am in both male and female modes. I am not Transsexual (I love being a guy, just as much as I love and revere women), do not want to ‘transition’, and do not dress to attract men or fancy men when I’m ‘en femme’ – in fact women talk to me more openly when I’m ‘one of the girls’ and we have some fantastic discussions that I would never have if I was ‘normal’! I have played sport to a high level and worked in a high pressure male-dominated industry where I reached a very senior level, and I’m also delighted to spend all night talking about shoes, frocks and makeup, and shoes again!
The moral of the story?
Each person in the photo (names have been changed, apart from mine, to protect the innocent!) has been courageous enough to be themselves and challenged ‘normality’.
The team at Femesque can help anyone on their courageous adventure to find the person they REALLY want to be – I love the word ‘really’ because it challenges you to delve deep and be honest with yourself. And if you’d like to chat in more depth then I’d be delighted to do so and help wherever I can – I’m also a good listener and qualified as a practitioner of NLP (that’s Neuro Linguistic Programming for those who’ve never heard of it – no room here to go into more detail but I’d be pleased to talk about it more on another occasion).
I’m going to sign off with a few more of my favourite quotes that I hope you also enjoy:
- “Don’t worry, things only seem kinky the first time.”
- “Life’s too short not to be happy.”
- “Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy Shit… What a ride!’”
- “And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” (Friedrich Nietzsche)
- “Live your best life. Dream big. Live fully.” (Oprah Winfrey)
And finally:
- “There is more to be learned from wearing a dress for a day, than there is from wearing a suit for a life.” (Larry Mitchell)
Have fun, you have my deepest respect for taking this journey. Get in touch with us if you need to.
Big Hugs and Best Wishes
Kathy
xx
